You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
