i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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