College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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