So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
