I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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