oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
