i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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