You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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