____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
