the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
