yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
