So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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