The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
