It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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