last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
