Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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