shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
