who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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