WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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