they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
