i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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