I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
