are you still at the devil's house?
You just made me feel so damn special
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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