I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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