Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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