now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
