why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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