doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
