I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
