Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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