If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
