We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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