I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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