Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
