Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
