The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
