Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
