Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
