In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
