Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
