dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
