He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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