tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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