you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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