Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
