Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And then he peed in my hair
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