Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
