the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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