My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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