dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
