I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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